Moving Forward and Not Looking Back

There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love. 1 John 4:18



I had a conversation recently with someone about Lot's wife and her desire to look back. 
We are often told that it was the loss of her possessions that caused her to look back. I have found myself feeling so sorry for her. How could she put any THING before God? Her family was with her and God was with her so how could she turn around? Is anything THAT important?

I often take these small assessments. I look around at where I am and ask myself if there is ANYTHING that I couldn't live without. If God asked me to let it all go...would I hesitate?

The hardest and longest look was when I came to my children. What if? WHAT IF? The thoughts scream at me. I have to be willing to put God above it ALL. This inner fear sets in. I don't completely understand. I know what God is asking and I believe that He is a God of love and mercy. Believing in these promises should give me peace, but there is still this nagging. I look at my children and I realize that they are not mine. I have two 21st century Samuel's in front of me. Could I be like Hannah? These children are mine, but they are God's first. 

With so many questions I search the Word and find this promise:

"I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength." Philippians 4:12b-13

God will take care of my family and of me. I can slowly loosen the grip and give it all to Him. They are safer in His hands anyway. By the way, I am in awe that I serve a God that will give me the reigns if I desire to take them. I really don't want them. If I search deep in my heart I KNOW that I NEED God to lead.

Sometimes I think about King David. I am reminded of the Bible stories that I grew up hearing and about how, with God leading, he defeated Goliath. I am also reminded that he had many many many flaws. He dealt with lust, he was a murderer, and he stole another man's wife, and yet...He kept turning back to God. God called Him a man after His own heart.

Am I after God's heart? Do I seek Him? Desire to do everything that leads me back into His arms?
 
I hope my God sees me in that light. That's what I want more than anything.